"It's stressful, "she says. They push you to the limit. They just want to see how much they can get away with without having to hire someone else." Said 22 year old Jennifer McLaughlin as stated in Karen Olsson's essay.
This is the beginning part of my essay and I took this quote from Karen Olsson's essay "Up Against Wal-Mart" because i feel that it makes the start of my essay different from others that I have started before. It makes it sound more interesting and makes the reader want to get into reading more of the essay. One thing that i feel i should do to make this paragraph better is add more detail more like expand my paragraph. The reason i feel that starting my essay with a quote would make it more interesting is because I have seen other essays that have started with a quote which gives the reader an idea of what the essay is going to be about and it will be made less boring than it would be if I started my essay by saying I will be writing about this topic.
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It's an unusual and intriguing way of starting the essay, Karina:) I think you can omit "she says" in the first line. My previous writing teacher advised not to use pronouns in the beginning of the paragraph, they are much more suitable after the reader knows what/who you are talking about, and im passing the advice to you:) Also, "as stated in K.O. essay" could better refer to a piece of information, statistics, numbers. Here I personally would use smth like: "J. McLaughlin, one of the Wal-Mart employees interviewed by K.O. for her article "Up..". Have a great spring break!
ReplyDeleteHi Karina - I agree with Irka that this quote is a great way to capture our attention and bring us into your essay, and that you want to give a little more information about who Jennifer is in relation to your source.
ReplyDeleteLook forward to seeing what comes next - perhaps you'll post the rest of your paragraph?